Finally plucked up the courage to start work on the Flesh + Dust EP that I’ve been talking about for a while. It was even mentioned by Tom Robinson on BBC6Music, but it’s been in creative limbo for months.
Rather than write a lot of lengthy blog posts, I’m experimenting with a video blog. Here’s episode 1…
And… I’m back! Had a week off from everything, including blogging. I’ve missed stay been sat on the floor playing with Drav. Did a bit of DIY. All that good normal stuff. Blissful, actually. I used to think I was way too complex and intelligent to be a family man. What a cunt.
I’ve had time to reflect on a lot of my work/life balance issues too. I’ve been making a right fucking mess of it all, is the abridged conclusion. I’ve managed to succeed at not being present at home, and phoning it in at studio.
I have a monkey mind, to use the Buddhist analogy. Their nihilistic bipolar monkeys, too. Very noisy, I’ve been studying (and trying to practice) more mindfulness. The main thing to take from this is that I am light years away from enlightenment. I’m so horribly distracted all the time. I’ve got to reprogram this buggy brain software.
The need for a more spiritual level has been on my mind a lot lately, I’m making a little progress. At least I’m finally confronting the noise for what it is. I’m surprised and a bit horrified about how hard I find this. I’m quite embarrassed to realise how detached from the music making process I am too. I’ve found everything in the studio a real slog lately. It’s not so surprising, now I realise I’ve not even fully been there. My body turned up on time, my mind never even clocked in.
I’ve come back to it all today a lot clearer. I’ve got a huge new project on the way; I was hoping to announce it today, but there’s still a couple of bits I’m waiting on. It’s a biggie, though.
And I’m trying harder in myself. Lots of reading, lots of healthy thinking. Not lost in thought thinking, but actual rewiring of brain issues. I get a sense that mindfulness, true mindfulness, could unlock a kind of superpower. I’ve seen the clues. I’m getting better.
The best version of me is still to come.